Why You Should Stop Saying "I Am Anxious" and What to Say Instead

Anxiety is a common and natural response to stress, uncertainty, and perceived threats. But how we talk about anxiety—both to ourselves and to others—can shape our experience of it and influence our ability to manage it effectively. One small but powerful shift is changing the way we phrase our thoughts about anxiety. Instead of saying, "I am anxious," try saying, "I have anxiety about…" This distinction matters more than you might think, and neuropsychology helps explain why.

Say: I have anxiety about...

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The Power of Language and Identity

When we say, "I am anxious," we are linking anxiety to our identity. The brain is wired to seek coherence between our self-concept and our behaviors, meaning that if we repeatedly identify as an anxious person, our brain starts treating anxiety as an integral part of who we are. This can make it more difficult to imagine life without anxiety or to believe that it is something we can manage or change.

On the other hand, when we say, "I have anxiety about…," we shift our perspective. Instead of defining ourselves by anxiety, we acknowledge it as a feeling or experience—something we can address, manage, and eventually reduce. This subtle linguistic change creates psychological distance, which can help us feel more in control of our emotions.

The Neuropsychology of Reframing Anxiety

Our brains are constantly shaping neural pathways based on our thoughts and behaviors. When we frame anxiety as part of our identity, we reinforce neural circuits that make anxious responses more automatic. This is known as neuroplasticity—our brain’s ability to rewire itself based on repeated patterns.

By shifting how we talk about anxiety, we activate different neural pathways. When we say, "I have anxiety about presenting at work," we create a space between ourselves and the feeling. This allows the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking and problem-solving, to engage more effectively. This shift makes it easier to think through solutions, regulate emotions, and ultimately reduce anxiety over time.

Anxiety as a Signal, Not an Identity

Anxiety is not who we are; it is a response to a perceived challenge or uncertainty. It often signals that we feel unprepared, vulnerable, or that something is important to us. Recognising this can help us use anxiety constructively rather than feeling overwhelmed by it.

For example, instead of saying, "I am anxious about my job interview," you might say, "I have anxiety about my job interview because I want to do well, and I’m worried I might not be fully prepared." This statement acknowledges the feeling while also pointing to the underlying concern—preparation—which is something you can address.

The Benefits of Changing How We Talk About Anxiety

Reframing anxiety as something we experience rather than something we are has multiple benefits:

• Creates Emotional Distance: It prevents anxiety from defining us, making it easier to step back and address it.

• Encourages Problem-Solving: It shifts focus from feeling stuck to recognising what might help alleviate the anxiety.

• Supports Recovery: When anxiety is seen as a temporary state rather than a fixed identity, it becomes easier to believe in and work toward change.

• Reduces Self-Judgment: It fosters self-compassion by acknowledging that anxiety is a normal and manageable response rather than a personal flaw.

Unburden Psychology's tip for you...

Next time you feel anxiety creeping in, try changing your self-talk. Instead of "I am anxious," say, "I have anxiety about…" and complete the sentence. This small but powerful shift can help retrain your brain, empower you to take action, and ultimately make anxiety feel less overwhelming.

"Language shapes our reality. By reframing how we talk about anxiety, we take an important step toward managing it more effectively and moving toward a healthier, more balanced mindset."