
Have you ever found yourself in a position where you need to put on a brave face when, deep down, you feel like running, screaming, or hitting something? If so, you're not alone. Whether you're a first responder, a CEO, an entrepreneur, or a leader in any capacity, you've likely experienced the pressure to remain composed when your internal world feels anything but.
The brave face is often essential. It’s part of the job. People rely on you to be strong, confident, and in control, and showing frustration, sadness, or anger can undermine that image. Yet, this expectation can leave you in a difficult position: maintaining stoicism for others while handling the chaos within. For many, even going home doesn’t provide an outlet. You might not have someone to talk to, or you might feel that sharing your struggles would only worry your loved ones. After all, what’s the point of both of you worrying if they can’t do anything to help?
So, what’s the solution?
You might expect me, as a psychologist, to say that you should always be open and honest about your feelings. While there’s value in that, I know it’s not always realistic. Sometimes, you simply cannot let down the mask. Yet, you still have to find a way to cope and carry on. Let’s explore some practical strategies to make this easier.
The (not so) Secret Weapon
If you haven’t discovered the power of controlled breathing, you’re missing out on a game-changing tool. Bear with me - this isn’t about meditating by candlelight or softly humming “ohm…”! This is a practical, physical intervention to counteract the fight-or-flight response—the physiological reaction that takes over when you feel overwhelmed, angry, or on the verge of tears.
The fight-or-flight response is a physical process, and so it needs a physical solution. By consciously controlling your breath, you can reverse the automatic flood of oxygen your body craves in moments of stress. Here’s how:
1. Slow it down. Take deep, deliberate breaths.
2. Focus on your exhale. Make your out-breath slightly longer than your in-breath.
3. Commit to it. Use three breaths to break the cycle of stress in the moment, or spend three minutes on this if your day has completely overwhelmed you.
This technique is a favourite among CEOs and Special Forces soldiers alike, for good reason—it works.
Other Physical Strategies Work Too
While breathing is a powerful tool, it’s not the only one. Consider these additional strategies to manage your stress:
Exercise: Choose whatever type you enjoy, from a brisk walk to a high-intensity workout. Movement helps release pent-up tension.
Cool down: Lowering your body temperature can have a calming effect. Try splashing cold water on your face or sipping a cold drink.
Stretching: Loosen up tight muscles that might be holding stress.
Nutrition: Don’t overlook the importance of eating regularly and nourishing your body.
Sleep: Rest is crucial. Prioritize getting enough quality sleep to recharge your mind and body.
Building Mental Resilience
Beyond physical strategies, there are mental techniques that can help you navigate tough situations with greater ease.
Distraction: Sometimes, shifting your focus to something else can help you tolerate the moment better.
Radical acceptance: This stoic practice involves fully acknowledging reality as it is, rather than fighting against it. It takes time to master but can be profoundly liberating.
Emotional regulation: These skills help you understand and manage your emotional responses, making it easier to bounce back from challenges.
To get really good at this, you need practice. And like any good practice, it’s much easier to accomplish when you’ve got a coach - or a confidant!!
The Power of a Confidant
Having someone you can be truly honest with can be invaluable. Whether it’s a trusted friend, carefully selected colleague, mentor, (or yes, even a therapist!), a confidant provides a safe space to share your struggles and develop the skills you need to cope. If their good, they’ll give you honest, direct but supportive feedback to help develop the skills you need to maintain the outward appearance but without the inner turmoil. And, of course, they’ll keep your discussion confidential. We consider this a “must have” for senior leaders - the more seniority you reach, the more this is essential.
Why See a Psychologist?
So - seeing a psychologist does not make you weak. It does not mean you can’t cope. It means that you’re smart enough to know that sometimes a coach and confidant is the way to get better at life, build more personal skills, and generally be happier. But we get it, it takes courage to see a psychologist, so reach out when you’re ready.
Confidentiality - one of the great things about Unburden Psychology is we understand the importance of needing to keep reputations intact and confidentiality is vital.
Relatability - at Unburden Psychology, we have all lived lives other than being a psychologist - most of us have had careers vastly different to what we are doing now - so we get it, we understand the constraints that different jobs bring when you need to remain professional. We know what it’s like to live with the constant demands of work and life. Our team brings not only clinical expertise but also real-life experience to the table. We’ve been where you are, and we understand the need to maintain your reputation while finding ways to handle the challenges you face.
Expertise - Our psychologists are highly trained, and mix that expertise with their learning from the ‘school of hard knocks’. Therefore, with us you can develop practical tools to manage stress, regulate emotions, and build resilience—all while knowing your sessions remain completely confidential.
If you’re feeling the weight of your role, consider letting us help you find your balance and rediscover your strength.