What can I do to let go of perfectionism?

Perfection is that idea of being flawless — no errors, no mistakes.

Perfectionism, though, is when we feel like we have to reach that flawless standard, no matter what. It’s setting the bar incredibly high, tying our self worth to how well we perform, and often feeling stressed, judged or disappointed when things aren’t “just right.” It's the feeling of being 'not good enough' if what you're doing is not perfect.

Perfectionism can look like a strength from the outside. You might be the reliable one, the high achiever, the person others turn to when things need to be done well. Maybe you're used to holding everything together — at work, in your relationships, in your appearance. You care deeply, you try hard, and you don’t like letting people down.

Perfectionism is a burden

But behind the polished surface, perfectionism can carry a weight that’s exhausting. It’s not just about high standards — it’s about never quite feeling like you are enough, even when you’re doing everything “right.”

This blog is for anyone who finds themselves over-functioning, second-guessing, or quietly burning out — not because you’re flawed, but because somewhere along the line, you learned that your worth depends on getting it exactly right.

Let’s talk about what perfectionism really feels like — and why it deserves more understanding and less shame.

It’s Not Just About Standards — It’s About Feeling Safe

Many people think perfectionism is about being organised or detail-focused. But for many, especially those who overcompensate through perfectionism, it’s much deeper than simply having high standards.

Perfectionism can become a way to feel safe — emotionally, socially, even physically. It can be a response to:

• Feeling like you had to earn love or approval.

• Growing up in chaotic or critical environments.

• Having your worth linked to achievement or usefulness.

• Learning that mistakes led to punishment, shame, or rejection.

In that light, perfectionism isn't vanity — it’s self-protection.

The Hidden Struggles of Perfectionism

If you relate to any of the experiences below, you’re not alone — and you’re not “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or “just a control freak.” You’re carrying a heavy load that others may not see.

In Your Mind

• Racing thoughts, rumination, or overanalyzing every decision.

• Constantly checking if you’ve said or done something wrong.

• Trouble switching off or feeling truly relaxed.

• Feeling like your inner critic never takes a day off.

Emotionally

• Guilt or shame when you don’t meet your own standards.

• Fear of letting others down or being seen as incompetent.

• Anxiety that spikes when you can't control something.

• Low self-worth, even when you’re praised or succeed.

At Work or School

• Procrastination (because starting means risking imperfection).

• Overworking to the point of burnout.

• Micromanaging or having difficulty delegating.

• Struggling to feel proud of your achievements — it never feels like “enough.”

In Relationships

• People-pleasing and hiding your struggles to seem “together.”

• Avoiding conflict at all costs.

• Feeling resentful but afraid to express needs.

• Being the one who “keeps it together” while silently feeling overwhelmed.

In Your Thinking

• All-or-nothing beliefs: “If I can’t do it perfectly, I’ve failed.”

• Rigid rules and pressure to always do the “right” thing.

• Catastrophising small mistakes into major failures.

• A deep fear of being ordinary, average, or “just okay.”

In Your Body

• Chronic fatigue, tension, or sleep difficulties.

• Stress-related issues like headaches or gut problems.

• Feeling wired and tired — always “on” but depleted.

• Neglecting rest or self-care unless it’s earned.

Why This Isn’t Your Fault

If any of this sounds familiar, please know: perfectionism is NOT a personality flaw. It’s often a survival strategy that helped you cope, connect, or achieve safety in earlier parts of your life. The problem isn’t that you try too hard — it’s that somewhere along the way, trying hard became the only option that felt available.

What You Deserve to Know

You are allowed to:

• Be a work in progress.

• Rest without earning it.

• Make mistakes and still be worthy.

• Be seen in your messy, unfinished, human state.

Perfectionism may have helped you cope — but you don’t have to carry its weight forever.

Therapy can help make space between you and the parts of you that feel like they have to strive constantly just to be okay. Whether it’s exploring the roots of these patterns, building a more compassionate inner voice, or learning how to let go of the impossible standards — you don’t have to figure it out alone.

But do you REALLY need therapy??

Unfortunately when we are struggling with perfectionism, self help books and other self help strategies can only go so far. It's not unusual to want to work through the self help book perfectly in an attempt to let go of perfectionism...

However, you can try these strategies:

1. Ask others to help you see that you are still loved and valued even when you let go of perfection, or miss the mark on something you have aimed for,

2. Practice self-compassion through using your 'inner coach' instead of your 'inner critic', and this self talk will help reframe your expectations, and

3. Think through what really matters to you, be very clear on your values and remind yourself that those things that matter less can be less than perfect.

However, if you want the support of someone trained to help with perfectionism, why not give psychological therapy a go? And no, you may not need years of therapy. You're likely a high functioning person who is struggling with some of the issues in the list above. In that case, working with a psychologist for a series of sessions with a clear goal to achieve, will be invaluable. Someone to keep you accountable, to help where you get stuck, and to help achieve the end point of the series - the point where you, instead of your perfectionism, are in control. If you have read this far, then it's probably worth a try.