Still lonely, even when there’s people all around?
- Loe Stanford
- May 23
- 5 min read
Feeling lonely can feel like crap. Let’s face it. We know that we just need to “get out there and make friends or meet people” - but it’s never as simple as that, right?
Oddly enough, you’re not alone in this. Loneliness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that affects millions of people worldwide. It is characterised by a feeling of isolation and a lack of connection with others, even when surrounded by people. It doesn’t matter that you might have a house full of family or friends, you can still feel isolated and alone.
Loneliness can be experienced by anyone, regardless of age, gender, or social status, and it can have significant impacts on both mental and physical health. And then it doesn’t help that major events like the COVID-19 pandemic and shifts in how we use social media and technologies may have contributed to increasing our experience of loneliness.
Loe Stanford, a psychologist with Unburden Psychology, outlines in this blog some of the reasons for loneliness and what you might do to alleviate this feeling.
“This is something I have been seeing more and more with my clients, and I’ve noticed it just doesn’t get talked about enough - so here are some of the things I’ve learned about it.”
Causes of Loneliness - why do you feel this way?
Loneliness can stem from various sources, including:
Social Isolation: Physical separation from others, such as living alone or being in a remote location, can lead to feelings of loneliness.
Life Transitions: Major life changes, such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, or experiencing a breakup, can disrupt social connections and lead to loneliness.
Mental Health Issues: Conditions like depression and anxiety can contribute to feelings of loneliness by making it difficult to engage with others.
Lack of Social Skills: Some people may struggle with social interactions, making it challenging to form and maintain relationships.
Technology and Modern Lifestyles: The rise of technology and changes in our way of living have significantly contributed to increased loneliness. While technology has made communication easier, it has also led to more superficial interactions and reduced face-to-face contact. Social media, for instance, can create a false sense of connection, where people feel connected online but lack meaningful relationships in real life. Additionally, the fast-paced nature of modern life, with long working hours and busy schedules, can leave little time for socialising and building relationships.
Effects of Loneliness - do any of these resonate with you?
The impact of loneliness on our well-being can be profound:
Mental Health: Loneliness is closely linked to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It can exacerbate existing conditions and lead to a decline in overall mental health.
Physical Health: Chronic loneliness has been associated with various physical health problems, including heart disease, weakened immune system, and increased risk of mortality.
Cognitive Function: Loneliness can impair cognitive function, leading to difficulties in concentration, decision-making, and memory.
Social Relationships: Loneliness can create a vicious cycle, where the feeling of isolation makes it harder to reach out and connect with others, further deepening the sense of loneliness.
Solutions to Combat Loneliness - what can you do to feel better?
As we said, it’s never as easy as just getting out and meeting people. The good news is that while loneliness can be challenging to overcome, there are several strategies that can help individuals build connections and improve their well-being:
Seek Social Support: Building and maintaining relationships with family, friends, and community members can provide a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of loneliness. But how? Start with turning your attention off you and focus on what is going on for them. Ask questions, get curious, get the other person talking and try to move your attention away from your feelings and allow yourself to be absorbed in what’s going on in the life of the other person. This helps enormously with connecting with people and as such, reduces the feeling of being alone.
Engage in Activities: Participating in hobbies, sports, or volunteer work can help to meet new people and create meaningful connections. If you’re not sure where to start websites like ‘MeetUp’ can direct you to local activities in your area of all types, whether you’re into Tai Chi, bushwalking, philosophical discussion or boardgames, there is a group and more importantly a group of other like-minded people near you. Our website has a page on suggested activities and hobbies, look for those that involve connecting with other people.
Develop Social Skills: Learning and practicing social skills can enhance an individual's ability to interact with others and form lasting relationships. Not sure where to start? There are self-help books available, like How to Talk to Anyone About Anything: Improve Your Social Skills, Master Small Talk, Connect Effortlessly, and Make Real Friends by James Williams.
Some social skills tips to try are:
Practice Active Listening: Focus fully on the speaker, make eye contact, and respond thoughtfully—people feel valued when they’re truly heard.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage conversation by asking questions that can't be answered with just "yes" or "no."
Join Group Activities: Engage in clubs, workshops, or community groups where regular interaction helps build confidence over time.
Notice and Mirror Body Language: Subtly reflecting someone’s posture or tone can build rapport and make social exchanges feel more natural.
Mindful Use of Technology: While technology can contribute to loneliness- especially when we're caught in a scrolling trap, we can also use technology to combat loneliness. Try to steer clear of the social-media pages and instead seek to engage in meaningful online communities, using video calls to maintain face-to-face interactions, and setting boundaries to ensure a healthy balance between online and offline life can help reduce feelings of loneliness.
When to get professional help: Unfortunately sometimes, no matter how much effort we put in, the feeling of loneliness just doesn’t budge. At that point, it’s time to consider getting some help. This is where a therapist can help. It’s often good to get a psychologist if you’ve really tried to push past the loneliness and you’re still struggling, as the psychologist will look further into what it is that’s stopping you from moving on and feeling happier within yourself. Don’t stress, it’s not a lifelong affliction, just something a trained therapist can coach you through.
Yes, loneliness is the pits, but it doesn’t have to be this way forever…
Loneliness is a pervasive issue that can have serious consequences for people's mental and physical health - so it’s worth addressing and getting life to feel better.
The team at Unburden Psychology helps lonely clients all the time. We understand the causes and effects of loneliness and can help to address this emotion and find effective solutions.
We also know that loneliness is one of the many mental health issues where there can still be a stigma around seeking support. But we’re very down-to-earth and will work with you to find solutions that work for you. Try what you can from the tips in this blog and if you still need us, go ahead and book, we are there for you.
